I love writing, in fact it's the only thing that has kept me going the last year. And DSP is interested in publishing a Wentworth book, so there's that. But after Otto Penzler's very deliberate slap in the face I'm asking myself, should I go on with any of this anymore? Doing that Rufus King intro meant so much me. It just gets hard to keep the will going anymore when you get treated like that. I'm told Otto felt insulted by my comment, but his statement was sexist and the book he published was homophobic. If I summon the will I will draw the relevant portions from my Cornell Woolrich article to show you.
Obviously the political thing would have been to have said nothing, which is why most people say nothing when it comes to Otto or any person in power who might be able to impact their career negatively. I thought he said a dumb thing, but it probably wasn't worth losing the Rufus King intro to say so. The thing is this never comes up with other publishers. They don't do or say things like Otto does. But I guess I just have should not have posted even a brief comment. You have to kiss up to the big shots, even when you think they said something stupid. Success in life is more politics than ability. But I know what the Nevns book is, even if Otto doesn't.
Certainly it's not just Otto who doesn't see it. People who accuse him of sexism and racism are mystified by the homophobia stuff. And, again, I wasn't calling Otto homophobic, though I notice he still seems to use the term "sexual preference." I think he just has, as I said, retrograde attitudes and an obtuseness. But the Woolrich book is riddled with antigay prejudice and what I think is an inaccurate, unsound and hatefully cruel and bullying attitude toward its pathetic yet also valiant subject. But I've said all this before and now I'm just being punished for it. A lot of people praised my Woolrich article, but where does it really get you? Which brings me back to my original question: Should I go on with all this? Is there any point to it anymore? I don't know.
Just saw this after posting my last comment, and, to answer the question in short: Yes, you should go on. You do good work, you're an important voice, and (to get purely selfish) I personally really enjoy reading your insights.
ReplyDeleteThat said, it's okay to be discouraged by the whole debacle. It is discouraging, both professionally and personally, and to deny that would be silly and a disservice to yourself. But I think it's good that you set the record straight, and that you had to courage to come forward to give your side of the story. If change is to happen, then people need to speak out, and need to know that there are others who might share their grievances.
So by all means, take some time to mourn if you need it. I don't think anyone will blame you for taking a little break. But to give it up entirely—when it seems so obvious to me to be something you heartily enjoy—would be an even greater tragedy.
Thanks. It's just hard to write when your depressed all the time. I have done literally nothing but internet posting for two days, after since Otto's editor finally told me the news, months after the fact. I've been so sad since my Dad died, I guess I just don't have much emotional reserve. Otto's editor called it a pile-on with the implication people were being mean to Otto. I don't know. People were pointing out a lot of the jerky things he has done over the years. He has. It certainly wasn't politic of me to comment though. I wish I hadn't now.
DeleteI don't think the criticism of Otto's past behavior was illegitimate at all, they didn't need me to make a comment. Or an observation really. His editor said I should apologize to Otto and explain how he had misinterpreted me. I don't know, I really didn't want to go groveling to Otto. I didn't say he was a homophobe. I said the book he published was homophobic. It is. And I do think he obtuse. Could I have crawled my way out of that, I don't know. I just didn't want to minister to his ego. But I'm said about the whole thing. I had a good relationship with his editor and now that's gone too. So I'm just very sad.
If it was indeed a pile-on, I'd hazard to say it was warranted—seems he's pissed off a fair number of people over the years. Your own comments were remarkably fair and balanced (one might even go so far as to say "generous"!), and if he can't see that, that's on him. It could be, as you suggested elsewhere, that you're simply a convenient target.
DeleteBut your sadness is warranted—I used the word "mourn" deliberately, because it is a loss, and by your own admission, your experience with MP wasn't wholly terrible—the good parts of that are worth mourning (just be careful not to let your grief consume you, obviously). However, if you've been Severely Online™ the past couple days, as you imply, it might do you good to get away from the keyboard for a bit. Weather permitting, maybe take a nice walk? Go touch some grass, as the kids say. ;)
We actually had a hurricane come through the last two days lol.
DeleteHahaha, oh, well, hmm. Maybe a nice nature documentary, then? Sending good vibes your way, in any case. :)
DeletePlease go on! You have so much to offer and we have so much to learn from you. What you do matters.
ReplyDeleteI just have to be able to concentrate properly. When the mind of full of negatives it's hard.
DeleteDon't let others derail you. Do your thing. We only end up regretting if we allow others' negative behaviour to make us give up things we love.
ReplyDeleteI know I don't want to let Otto win.
DeleteI'll throw my hat in with the other commenters and hope you continue. I read most of your blog last year, have read both Humdrum and Spectrum, and have always found you an interesting and insightful writer. Even though I know how frustrating it is to suffer a setback over such minor criticism, I, and many others, would hate to see you give up on your work
ReplyDeleteThank you, that's commitment. Wish there were a lot more of you.
DeleteOh hell yes! Keep going. Don't desert us.
ReplyDeleteI don't want to, I just have to be able to think properly.
DeleteYes, absolutely! You have knowledge, insight, and enthusiasm, and you have been responsible for the resurrection of a great many authors who would otherwise have remained unprinted. To give up, just because of one man, would be ... criminal.
ReplyDeleteThanks Nick, I know you've had to deal with some asses.
DeleteJohn, you are a gentleman and a scholar, and you shouldn't let one petty, small-minded person ruin your joy in your talent. I know that's easier said than done, though.
ReplyDeleteIt's Curt or Curtis, by the way, but thank you so much. Yeah it's hard. I want to try and get out of it but it's hard.
DeleteEek, my apologies, of course I knew that! (Not that it's mitigating but I must have been thinking of John Norris from Pretty Sinister recently)
DeleteAnyway, I really do know how it feels. As cliched as it sounds, the only way out is usually through. It will get easier to move on with time, so give yourself grace.
"Time? What time do you think we have?" ;)
DeleteI know what you mean, but a lot of times I just feel like I'm running out of it. It's now 12 years when Masters of the Humdrum Mystery Was Published and I wasn't young then. I've done a lot of writing since then, for sure, but none of it very remunerative to be honest. And I'm getting older. But I hope I'll be able to get back to work soon, I've lost three days to this.
I don't believe John of PS has blogged in a year, I don't know what's going on there.
DeleteI feel how distressed and discouraged you are, but I join those who say: Please don't give up something that gives both you and us, your readers, so much pleasure and knowledge.
ReplyDeleteI don't want to, it's what keeps me going. But I feel awfully depressed right now. It's a matter of getting my mind to work properly.
DeleteThanks for the comments I will try to reply more in detail. I was all set to do the Wentworth book and hope to do it still. I just have fallen into a slough of depression after the affair of Otto the Cruel. I have got to try to recover though or there's no point to my existence. Writing is hard work and you need some mental health to do it. Right now I feel so much sadness. Otto extracted his revenge. Despite all my work I just don't feel like I will really make it, but I have to ret to do what I can. I'm glad I have people who read this blog. I have to try to not let a narcissistic ass like Otto win.
ReplyDeleteDear Curt, I could give you many reasons why you should to get on with your job, but I'll just tell you one: because you are the best. No one has done more for Golden Age authors than you in the last ten or fifteen years; no one has done more thorough research on these authors than you; no one has shed more light than you on details that no one knew; and, if I may say so personally, there is no one who has written better books and introductions than yours about the authors I love most.
ReplyDeleteAnd I really hope that you will continue to enlighten us further (as you have already done in the past) about Rufus King, an author that I have always collected and that I love very much. All my best, Mauro Boncompagni
Wow, I really appreciate that Mauro. It helps to hear stuff like that, it really does. That other people do know how much work has gone into this all these years and that it's been good work. It helps one accept the lack of success.
DeleteCan I give you some advice (for what it's worth) for the introduction to "Murder by the Clock" that Otto gave to another person? Write an "alternative" introduction and post it on your blog. This way people will be able to make a comparison in complete freedom.
DeleteI think I will do that. They are only 1000-2000 words anyway. Won't get the $500 though!
DeleteBut you will get the unconditional esteem of all your readers, I'm sure of it.
DeleteI value the esteem of my readers, just wish there were more of them , sigh.
DeleteAnd I hope to be able to read your critical biography on Richard Wilson Webb and Hugh Wheeler very soon: another milestone, I'm sure.
ReplyDeleteThanks, it's 180,000 words and written. Has been for two years. The trick is finding a publisher. I guess I will just have to try an academic press. One problem is I may have lost my photocopies in the move and the originals are on an old hard drive.
DeleteMaybe McFarland?
DeleteI was really hoping for something better to be honest. Plus another octogenarian, Stephen Knight a Marxist professor from Australia, is at McFarland as I understand and he has it in for me because in Masters of the Humdrum Mystery I dared to critique his outdated and poorly informed, rigidly doctrinaire Marxist thesis of GA mystery. I very sure he's the anonymous reviewer who hatcheted Masters on Amazon. If he has any say, any book by me would be turned down I'm sure. Don't these guys ever retire? They hang on like grim death.
DeleteOh, my God, Curt, will the world ever really get better? But I'm sure that in the end you will find a publisher, because a book like yours is too interesting (and I say this for all the things you have written) that it would be a crime to leave it unpublished. Have you tried talking to Hugh Wheeler's granddaughter?
Deletegreat niece, yes I should talk to her again, it's been a while. I could submit to a gay friendly academic press but will have to do full footnoting if it's accepted, which will take more time.
DeleteI've become kind of fatalistic about it though. I thought the queer press at least doesn't want it but if they don't so be it. I know it was a good work.
DeleteHang in there, Curt! Your work is too good for readers to be deprived of.
DeleteI try to hang in. And thank you.
DeleteSometimes I think I'll just leave the Webb-Wheeler book to be found at my death. Then it will probably end up getting trashed.
DeleteThis will not happen, it must not happen and you must do everything possible to ensure it does not happen
DeleteWell, not trying to be morbid, but if I suddenly died all my written unpublished work probably would be trashed. It reminds me I need to make a will and designate someone or multiple people as heirs to this stuff. If I died now this would go to my sister, who is dying from cancer, so more likely her nephews, the one of whom has crippling OCD and the other of whom dislikes me and doesn't give a damn about my work. So it likely would go in the trash. It's something I have to think about. If I can't get it published I'd still like for something to be done with it besides trashing.
DeleteI think that to let one " small" person derail all your hard work would be allowing them to win. You will win by moving on quickly and using the negative energy to propel you into new areas of writing and publishing. You know far better than most how many new areas remain untapped . Just think how many countries manage very well in publishing WITHOUT a certain person. All the very best to your continuing work Curt.
ReplyDeleteThat person is big but he's also small. I appreciate your advice and your thoughtful reviews.
DeleteI know it's difficult when people are both critical, and don't have the nerve to be critical to your face, but my feeling is: don't let the bastards win. I haven't read Nevins' biography of Woolrich, that's because I read his Ellery Queen book first and it was rubbish. Just my opinion. Penzler seems like a petty little man by all accounts. There are so many of them these days. I suspect they are clones from a factory somewhere.
ReplyDeleteYes, I agree there are issues as well with the EQ book, would love to know how you saw it. Nevins is a great plot detail man but otherwise not much. But honestly the EQ book is a masterpiece compared to the Woolrich book and it's the Woolrich book is the one that really influenced people. Or maybe it was the intros Nevins wrote to Woolrich books because I really doubt many people have actually read the book. The mass of detail and infelicitous style makes it hard to read.
DeleteI haven't followed this situation entirely, but I'll just add my "Me too" to the others: Please go on writing. You have so much to say and say it so well. Your blog is a joy to read; as a "failed academic" I appreciate writers who are true scholars but don't write in academic jargon. I know it's hard to write after a personal loss or after unfair criticism, and you've had both, but please persevere. Best wishes.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Arthur, I've always tried to stay away from the jargon. I'm going to try, it's been three days and I haven't done anything with work projects. Otto really laid me low, if I'm being honest. And I'm really nothing to him, just some guy who did an occasional intro. But it was important to me. So I guess I should not have let myself get drawn into making a mild criticism of him on Facebook. So I'm very frustrated. And then there's the question, will Otto try to seek further retaliation against me because I spoke out about this. You just never know.
DeleteIn an ideal world I would have strong fora for all my writing and be able to go at it with the same energy I once had. The people who have actually read me always say kind things about my work, and I like it too lol, but it's been a struggle to attain broader recognition from the big shots, even when they use my work.
Just to sight an example, British Library famous reprint of Mystery in White by Farjeon was due to me and this blog, but not only did they not ask to intro it, they never acknowledged where they got the inspiration. Nor did the intro writers. I don't know how they justified that to themselves, but they did. Farjeon was another one of my "pet" writers. But people always say, don't say anything. Keep quiet and hope they throw you a scrap. Big Publishing is just as exploitive as any other human business endeavor.